Recognizing Good Parenting — Part 3/8

April 27, 2011

Until Amy Chua’s essay, Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior appeared in The Wall Street Journal and her memoir, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother was published, there wasn’t much of a discussion or debate about parenting in America.

These obsessive Politically Correct, self-esteem driven parent held sway over how most Americans raised children.

Now, thanks to Amy Chua, there is a wakeup call to many future and current parents. Critics have accused Amy Chua of child abuse, being a narcissist, a liar, a backstabber, a psychopath, etc.

Amy Chua was also attacked for daring to say Chinese mothers were superior to the soft American parent.

In fact, Amy Chua was parenting as the Old Testament advises except for the spanking (she never mentions in her memoir that she spanked her children).

Maybe Chua should have spanked her younger daughter Lulu because she was rude, insulting and rebellious.  Maybe she should have used soap and washed out Lulu’s mouth.

Continued on April 28, 2011 in Recognizing Good Parenting – Part 4 or return to Part 2

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Lloyd Lofthouse is the award-winning author of the concubine saga, My Splendid Concubine & Our Hart. When you love a Chinese woman, you marry her family and culture too.

If you want to subscribe to iLook China, there is a “Subscribe” button at the top of the screen in the menu bar.

This post first appeared on March 21, 2011, at Crazy Normal, a blog about education, parenting and coming of age.

1 Comment | America, China, Chinese women, cultural differences, family values, parenting | Tagged: , , , , , | Permalink
Posted by Lloyd Lofthouse

Recognizing Good Parenting — Part 2/8

April 26, 2011

To discover how far the average parent in the US has gone to pamper the average child, the March 2011 Bulletin for AARP provided more disturbing statistics.

In Pampering Our Kids, AARP said, “When boomers finally became parents, they wanted nothing but the best for the little ones, driving sales for infants, toddlers and preschoolers to more than 17 billion a year.”

In addition, Money Management Works said, “Teen spending is playing a bigger and bigger role in the U.S. economy. Teenagers have money and they are spending it.… Despite the recession, 75% of teens are receiving the same or more spending money this year than last year.

“Clothing accounts for the biggest chunk of spending by teens, at 34%. Entertainment places second, at 22%, and food is third, at 16%.

“In a 2007 article by marketingvox, according to Packaged Facts, teen spending was $189.7 billion in 2006 and will be $208.7 billion by 2011. This is despite a 3% decline in the 12-17-year-old population over the same time period.”

Studies and statistics show that 80% of American parents (way above average) never attend a parent-teacher conference during the time their child is in kindergarten through twelfth grade (public schools).

This change in parenting also resulted in statistics describing today’s average American child and teen spending about 10 hours daily having fun watching TV, playing video games, social networking on Facebook, hanging out with other teens at the mall, or sending endless text messages to friends.

Politeness among the average American child and teen was out and rudeness was in. The old adage of the child “to be seen and not heard” was as good as dead for the average parent.

However, Albert Mohler, President of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, says, “‘Seen but not heard’ is not the best model for parenting children. On the other hand, it is infinitely superior to the abdication of adult authority that marks the current age.”

To be continued on April 27, 2011 in Recognizing Good Parenting – Part 3 or return to Part 1

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Lloyd Lofthouse is the award-winning author of the concubine saga, My Splendid Concubine & Our Hart. When you love a Chinese woman, you marry her family and culture too.

If you want to subscribe to iLook China, there is a “Subscribe” button at the top of the screen in the menu bar.

This post first appeared on March 20, 2011, at Crazy Normal, a blog about education, parenting and coming of age

1 Comment | Chinese women, cultural differences, education, family values, parenting | Tagged: , , , , , , | Permalink
Posted by Lloyd Lofthouse

Recognizing Good Parenting — Part 1/8

April 25, 2011

In the 1960s, Political Correctness in partnership with the unproven theory of soft, obsessive self-esteem driven parents rewrote the rulebook for parenting in America resulting today in the “average” American parent that talks to his or her child less than five minutes a day.

Out went the soap that was once used to wash the mouths of vulgar children and teens leading today to the common use of the “F” word in almost every spoken sentence.

In addition, spanking (corporal punishment) was all but outlawed and identified as child abuse by many.

However, Religious Tolerance says, “Corporal punishment is strongly recommended in the Hebrew Scriptures (Old Testament).

Most of the biblical quotations advocating corporal punishment of children appear in the book of Proverbs.

“The phrase “spare the rod and spoil the child” is often incorrectly attributed to the Christian Bible. It does not appear there. It was first written in a poem by Samuel Butler in 1664.”


This video shows an example of the wrong way then the right way to spank a child.

Instead, Proverbs 13:24 says, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (diligently).”

Proverbs 19:18 says, “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.”

Proverbs 22:15 says, “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.”

Proverbs 23:13 says, “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.”

Proverbs 23:14 says, “Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell (Shoel).”

Proverbs 29:15 says, “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself brengeth his mother to shame.”

The Old Testament was the oldest guide of parenting in the Western world used for several thousand years until the 1960s.

To be continued on April 26, 2011 in Recognizing Good Parenting – Part 2

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Lloyd Lofthouse is the award-winning author of the concubine saga, My Splendid Concubine & Our Hart. When you love a Chinese woman, you marry her family and culture too.

If you want to subscribe to iLook China, there is a “Subscribe” button at the top of the screen in the menu bar.

This post first appeared on March 19, 2011, at Crazy Normal, a blog about education, parenting and coming of age.

Leave a Comment » | Chinese women, cultural differences, education, family values, parenting | Tagged: , , , , , | Permalink
Posted by Lloyd Lofthouse

A Child’s fun and Self-esteem versus the Survival of a Nation – Part 3/3

April 16, 2011

When you study the average life span in other Asian countries such as China (68 for men and 71 for women) and India (59 for men and 60 for women), we learn that other Asian nations don’t do as well as Japan.

Then why do Asian-Americans beat every other racial group in the US at just about everything?

Could the answer be parenting methods leading to a better education and healthier lifestyles?

Here are some facts that are food for thought — In the American Mental Illness Olympics, I wrote that Asian-Americans had the lowest incidence of serious mental illness while Caucasians had the highest numbers.

In fact, if you do some Googling, you will discover a larger ratio of Asian-Americans graduate from high school and college than any other racial group in the US.

Asian-American teens have the lowest incidence of drug use, alcohol abuse, teen pregnancy and HIV-AIDS, and STD rates.

Asian-Americans also make up the smallest number of teen street gang members in the US.

Amy Chua, who wrote Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, is an Asian-American parent. It may not come as a surprise that Chua is under attack by many “average” American parents.

A good place to start learning what it means to be a better parent would be to read Parenting resolution revolution that a friend forwarded to me. Then, as a parent, practice all sixteen points of advice with number sixteen being what my friend wrote, “One big missing item is NO TV!”

Remember, today’s children will be tomorrow’s citizens.

Return to Part 2 or start with Part 1

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Lloyd Lofthouse is the award-winning author of the concubine saga, My Splendid Concubine & Our Hart. When you love a Chinese woman, you marry her family and culture too.

If you want to subscribe to iLook China, there is a “Subscribe” button at the top of the screen in the menu bar.

Leave a Comment » | America, American culture, China, Chinese Culture, cultural differences, education, family values, parenting | Tagged: , , , , , | Permalink
Posted by Lloyd Lofthouse

A Child’s fun and Self-esteem versus the Survival of a Nation – Part 2/3

April 15, 2011

Once a child’s behavior becomes a habit, the child feels entitled to always live that lifestyle.

Who is in charge of a child’s diet creating lifestyle habits?

The answer should be “parents” but in the US, it is normal for the child to make these decisions leading to children eating unhealthy food, watching TV, playing video games or social networking on Facebook for about 10 hours a day.

Unfortunately, statistics show the average American parent is doing a lousy job. One exception may be the Asian-American community, which includes Chinese and Japanese.

The definition for average says, a statistic describing the location of a distribution; “it set the norm for American homes”, which means this is the largest segment of parents in the country.

This is what parenting is measured against and if you don’t parent like this, you are not considered normal by  American standards—a form of peer pressure.

That normal American parent also protects the child from experiencing failure since failure hurts self-esteem.

Life Span reports, “The Japanese still live longer than anyone else…. The Japanese said their long lives was due to moderation in eating and drinking. Other advice was early to bed and early to rise, religious faith and hard work.”

However, in the US, the “average”, normal American parent is obsessed with the child’s self-esteem and is more concerned with the child having fun and telling the child to follow his or her dreams.

Did you know that about 40,000 young Americans migrate to Hollywood, California every year dreaming of becoming the next super star but less than one percent will actually land an acting role with no guarantee of fame, fortune or winning an Oscar?

President Barack Obama is the 44th president of the US since 1789 when George Washington was sworn in as the first American President. What are the odds that any child will become a president?

Individuals that achieve his or her dreams are in the minority — a very small minority.

When children dream such dreams, it is up to the parent to teach the child reality.

To be continued on April 16, 2011 in Part 3 or start with Part 1 

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Lloyd Lofthouse is the award-winning author of the concubine saga, My Splendid Concubine & Our Hart. When you love a Chinese woman, you marry her family and culture too.

If you want to subscribe to iLook China, there is a “Subscribe” button at the top of the screen in the menu bar.

2 Comments | America, American culture, China, Chinese Culture, cultural differences, education, family values, parenting | Tagged: , , , , , | Permalink
Posted by Lloyd Lofthouse

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